scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
