I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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