you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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