Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
