i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
