You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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