In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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