Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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