i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
