I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
