We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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