and you said cock pushups were impossible
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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