he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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