i just had sex bonerless
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
