i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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