the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
