I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
