Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
