u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
