I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize