I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
