we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize