New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
