Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
