ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
