all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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