If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
