Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
