i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
