My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
