i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
