just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
