You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize