last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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