I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
