Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
