Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
