i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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