hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
