She said her name was "party"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
