I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
