You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
