It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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