so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
