I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
