Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
