I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
