after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
