i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize