i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
