Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
