we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
