dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
