I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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