Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
