"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
