well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize