so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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