there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
