Kiss
Puke
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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