he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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