i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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