...so i touched it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
