Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize