do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
